Wednesday, July 5, 2006

"Shawty Got An Ass On Her"

decided at about 6:58 this morning that I was gonna take a mental health day. There are very few things in this life that us humans control, ie., the weather,love, etc. But I control whether or not I'm gonna go into the plantation and answer idiotic question from 8:30 to 4:30 and today I decided not to.

I stayed in bed till about 12ish, watching day time talk("Maury, I'm 2000% sure RayRay is my babydaddy!" "Rayray, you are........not the father!" I fucking love it,lol.) and calling everybody I knew would be at work. I got up around 12:30 to make a trip to the corner store for the essentials; gold'n'honey dutches, Arizona peach flavored iced tea, Reesie cups, hot chips, a can of Coca-Cola, Black Love incense, sunflower seeds and 6 bootlegs( I've already seen the movies and bought at least one of the real cd's, so shut up all that bootlegs are illegal talk. I believe in supporting black business). So while I'm standing in line waiting on Habibi(that's his real name, I swear to God) to ring up the lady in front of me all the events are put in place for someone to get their feelings hurt by your's truely.

I have a problem with my tongue. I know this, my people know this and anyone who saw me at club Chocolate a couple of months back knows this. I've been working on not ripping idiots new assholes and I like to think I've made a lot of progress, but every now and then I forget that I'm supposed to be a grown up. Today was one of those days.

While I'm standing in line a guy walks up to me so close that I can smell his cheap ass cologne( Brothers please, if you can't afford the real thing or something that smells good, stick with soap. Nobody wants to smell Brute. It is not 1989.). I can't move up and he won't move back so I stand there praying to the Creator that Habibi rings me up before he gets the nerve to say anything to me. Just as I get to the counter and I'm thinking I'm home free, I hear "Hey Dred." While I'm not particularly fond of men calling me Dred(or Slim) out on the street, most of the time it's said like "hey Sis" so I let it pass and I really would have let dude have a pass if the next words outta his mouth wouldn't have been " have you ever thought about modeling?" I live in Atlanta, Home of the Young, Rich and Beautiful, so it's not uncommon to hear a guy trying to holla using that line. What usually helps is when you've looked the girl in her face and then say that. Now, I'm vexed 'cause dude is looking at my ass and asking me if I want to be a model. What to do, What to do? I turned around and drew myself up to my full 5 feet and 1 whole inch, look dude square in the eye and told him if he kept looking at my ass I would bash his brains and windows in with the bat in the trunk of my car. Then I smile at him, give Habibi my money and walk out the store.